Saturday, October 31, 2009
November - Family Stories Month
November is Family Stories Month. What a perfect time to share our life stories with our children and grandchildren. What better legacy can we leave? We encourage you to share your favorite story on our Blog. Your story may help someone remember one of their own long forgotten stories. Remember: The story of any one of us is, in part, the story of all of us. Have the patience to listen and the wisdom to learn.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Effective Leadership
The Center for Public Leadership at the John F. Kennedy School of Government reports that 80 percent of Americans surveyed indicate we have a leadership crisis in the United States. Of these individuals, 79 percent believe we will decline as a nation unless we get better leaders. Is it a surprise that business leaders rank near the bottom of the list, with only 45 percent of the people surveyed having confidence in these business leaders?
Think about a leader you work with. Is he or she effective? What qualities does that leader exhibit that either makes him effective or a failure? Joseph S. Nye, Jr. suggests we need to promote a new style of leadership. I couldn’t agree more.
Often times, a new leader goes into an organization and simply “leads.” All leaders are not effective leaders. What better way to ensure a new style of leadership becomes a reality than by providing leaders with the tools and training needed to improve their effectiveness? Some leaders get to the “top” and feel they have arrived because they know everything there is to know. Leaders must continue to develop their skills and to listen and learn from the stories of other effective leaders. Change will happen whether or not we pay attention to it. In fact, the only constant is change. Do you want planned and effective change? Or, do you just want it to happen around you and see what happens? Do you want to know how a new change program is doing after its implementation? Effective leaders want managed change. They want their followers involved in the planning and implementing of change activities, and they want to know how the new change is impacting the organization. How can they discover the “how-to’s” to accomplish their goals? What do you think?
Think about a leader you work with. Is he or she effective? What qualities does that leader exhibit that either makes him effective or a failure? Joseph S. Nye, Jr. suggests we need to promote a new style of leadership. I couldn’t agree more.
Often times, a new leader goes into an organization and simply “leads.” All leaders are not effective leaders. What better way to ensure a new style of leadership becomes a reality than by providing leaders with the tools and training needed to improve their effectiveness? Some leaders get to the “top” and feel they have arrived because they know everything there is to know. Leaders must continue to develop their skills and to listen and learn from the stories of other effective leaders. Change will happen whether or not we pay attention to it. In fact, the only constant is change. Do you want planned and effective change? Or, do you just want it to happen around you and see what happens? Do you want to know how a new change program is doing after its implementation? Effective leaders want managed change. They want their followers involved in the planning and implementing of change activities, and they want to know how the new change is impacting the organization. How can they discover the “how-to’s” to accomplish their goals? What do you think?
Monday, June 1, 2009
Father's Day 2009
Recently I learned about a new holiday: Write-to-Your-Father Day. The holiday, celebrated one week before Father’s Day, will be on June 14, 2009. The purpose of this holiday is to write a letter to your father whether or not he lives with you, whether or not you know how to contact him, or whether or not he is still alive.
Right now, you might be thinking, “so if I never mail the letter, what’s the purpose?” We all have thoughts and feelings we’d like to share with our father. If we know him and he’s alive, maybe we have never taken the time to share our thoughts and feeling with him. If we don’t know our father, or he has passed on, this activity gives us the opportunity to bring closure and release our thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
While my dad was alive, I didn’t take the opportunity to share many of the thoughts and feelings I had with him, because I didn’t know how and was afraid to try. Eight years after Dad died, I was a participant in a Native American spiritual healing ceremony. As a part of the ceremony, each participant brought something to “give back to the water,” something we wanted to let go of. I wrote a letter to my Dad and at the appropriate time, placed the letter in a beautiful bowl, burned the letter, and scattered the ashes on the water. Below, I share parts of that letter to my dad and hope you take the opportunity on June 14th to write a letter to your dad. If you happen to send the letter, what a gift you’ll give to you father. If you don’t send it, for whatever reason, what a gift you will give yourself.
“Dear Dad,
As you can see by the date, I’m writing this much too late to ever have had a chance to give it to you to read before you died. But, knowing the life you led as a father, husband, and Christian, I would expect you’ll catch up to the letter in the not too distant future.
I’m writing for a few reasons. I didn’t really get to say good-bye to you the last time I was with you in the hospital in Columbus, a couple of days before you died. I also have been carrying so much anger and frustration concerning you, and it’s time to let go of that. I need to ask your forgiveness of me, and I need to say, “I forgive you, Dad.”
You probably know the number of times I think of you, Dad – more often as I get older. I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve decided to do some research and see if I can find out some more about your biological family. For some reason, that lack of information is creating a big hole inside me that needs filling. If I don’t find out any more than I know now, at least I will know that; I will also know I tried and probably at that time will let go, but I can’t right now…
I know how hard you and Grandpa Poole had it when you were young. Mom told me about your coming back from St. Louis and living in a tent along the riverbank around Scipio and North Vernon, fishing for your food, and hitchhiking the twenty-five miles to Columbus to look for work. Mom said she knew the people with whom you worked would always describe you as a hard worker, and I know how important it must have been to you to have that kind of recognition. I am very grateful for that work ethic. Hopefully the best parts of it rubbed off on me, but I think I may be a bit lazier than you! I know it wasn’t always easy to find work, but somehow you did and provided so well for your family, which I also know must have been so important to you. That provider role was one you wanted to do well, and you did. We never wanted for much…
I know mom did more of the disciplining of me than you – partly because you were not around much and also perhaps because you didn’t want to. I can understand that now. I know the good ol’ guilt trips you gave me about making Mom cry when I pulled one of my many escapades at the time left me with some “stuff” to work through. I also know being raised on guilt wasn’t all that uncommon with our generation…
I’ve been frustrated about your later years because of your illness and not being able to spend more time with your grandchildren and all of us. I can remember how frustrating it was for you to have us come visit and not be able to join in the fun. I just wish it could have been different – Eric and Tracie missed something, as did we all. In my heart, I know you would have loved to play with your grandchildren.
So, Dad, before this letter turns into a “woulda, coulda, shoulda” piece, I just want to say thank you for all the blessings we had as a family. You never had us out of your thoughts in terms of our best interests, and I know you overdid it many times in providing for us – in jobs that were very hard in terms of physical labor. Did you make the most of your gifts? Of course you did. Did you encourage me to try to better myself? Of course you did. I also know that you did your job in giving me birth and those first few early years. The living part has always been up to me – so I no longer want to use you as an excuse for my own living and not living. I want to take responsibility for that and am trying, more and more all the time, to do just that. It’s hard. I do love you, Dad, and your memory. Please forgive me for holding you up as a convenient excuse for all these years, and not doing my own work. Thank you for everything.
Good-bye, dad
Love, Eddie
Right now, you might be thinking, “so if I never mail the letter, what’s the purpose?” We all have thoughts and feelings we’d like to share with our father. If we know him and he’s alive, maybe we have never taken the time to share our thoughts and feeling with him. If we don’t know our father, or he has passed on, this activity gives us the opportunity to bring closure and release our thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
While my dad was alive, I didn’t take the opportunity to share many of the thoughts and feelings I had with him, because I didn’t know how and was afraid to try. Eight years after Dad died, I was a participant in a Native American spiritual healing ceremony. As a part of the ceremony, each participant brought something to “give back to the water,” something we wanted to let go of. I wrote a letter to my Dad and at the appropriate time, placed the letter in a beautiful bowl, burned the letter, and scattered the ashes on the water. Below, I share parts of that letter to my dad and hope you take the opportunity on June 14th to write a letter to your dad. If you happen to send the letter, what a gift you’ll give to you father. If you don’t send it, for whatever reason, what a gift you will give yourself.
“Dear Dad,
As you can see by the date, I’m writing this much too late to ever have had a chance to give it to you to read before you died. But, knowing the life you led as a father, husband, and Christian, I would expect you’ll catch up to the letter in the not too distant future.
I’m writing for a few reasons. I didn’t really get to say good-bye to you the last time I was with you in the hospital in Columbus, a couple of days before you died. I also have been carrying so much anger and frustration concerning you, and it’s time to let go of that. I need to ask your forgiveness of me, and I need to say, “I forgive you, Dad.”
You probably know the number of times I think of you, Dad – more often as I get older. I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve decided to do some research and see if I can find out some more about your biological family. For some reason, that lack of information is creating a big hole inside me that needs filling. If I don’t find out any more than I know now, at least I will know that; I will also know I tried and probably at that time will let go, but I can’t right now…
I know how hard you and Grandpa Poole had it when you were young. Mom told me about your coming back from St. Louis and living in a tent along the riverbank around Scipio and North Vernon, fishing for your food, and hitchhiking the twenty-five miles to Columbus to look for work. Mom said she knew the people with whom you worked would always describe you as a hard worker, and I know how important it must have been to you to have that kind of recognition. I am very grateful for that work ethic. Hopefully the best parts of it rubbed off on me, but I think I may be a bit lazier than you! I know it wasn’t always easy to find work, but somehow you did and provided so well for your family, which I also know must have been so important to you. That provider role was one you wanted to do well, and you did. We never wanted for much…
I know mom did more of the disciplining of me than you – partly because you were not around much and also perhaps because you didn’t want to. I can understand that now. I know the good ol’ guilt trips you gave me about making Mom cry when I pulled one of my many escapades at the time left me with some “stuff” to work through. I also know being raised on guilt wasn’t all that uncommon with our generation…
I’ve been frustrated about your later years because of your illness and not being able to spend more time with your grandchildren and all of us. I can remember how frustrating it was for you to have us come visit and not be able to join in the fun. I just wish it could have been different – Eric and Tracie missed something, as did we all. In my heart, I know you would have loved to play with your grandchildren.
So, Dad, before this letter turns into a “woulda, coulda, shoulda” piece, I just want to say thank you for all the blessings we had as a family. You never had us out of your thoughts in terms of our best interests, and I know you overdid it many times in providing for us – in jobs that were very hard in terms of physical labor. Did you make the most of your gifts? Of course you did. Did you encourage me to try to better myself? Of course you did. I also know that you did your job in giving me birth and those first few early years. The living part has always been up to me – so I no longer want to use you as an excuse for my own living and not living. I want to take responsibility for that and am trying, more and more all the time, to do just that. It’s hard. I do love you, Dad, and your memory. Please forgive me for holding you up as a convenient excuse for all these years, and not doing my own work. Thank you for everything.
Good-bye, dad
Love, Eddie
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Renewal Day, May 4th
A Lesson from the Porch
"The porch helps me to see I'm my own White Knight."
Renewal Day, not a widely known holiday, is celebrated on May 4th. In addition to renewing friendships with old friends and reconnecting with family members, this is also a day to begin self-renewal. The demands of life often get in the way of our taking care of ourselves. May is also designated as Mental Health Month. The theme this year is Live Your Life Well, with a focus on helping people to manage stress and major life change better. What a great connection to Renewal Day.
According to Mental Health America, "with increasing economic troubles piling on to the stress of work and family demands, more and more Americans are suffering." The Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index, Life Evaluation sub-section, reports on an individual's perception of their life to-date and belief in the future. The report labels individuals as Thriving, Struggling, or Suffering. The report for March 2009 indicates 52.2% of the nation is Struggling. In March of 2008, the majority of Americans were identified as Thriving. These data suggest the importance and value of self-renewal.
These numbers, while alarming, are not surprising given all the outside factors that impact our lives. It may be, you're doing just fine. What about that old friend or family member you haven't talked to in a while? Renewal Day provides us a great opportunity to call or email just one of those people. It might be the ray of sunshine they are looking for right now. Someone said, "Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...it's about learning to dance in the rain!" No one escapes adversity in their life. How we react to our adversities helps determine whether we're thriving, struggling, or suffering. Will we take the time to learn how to "dance in the rain?" Being grateful for who we are, where we are, and what we have helps find that ray of sunshine we may have been pursuing for a long time and enables us to begin the dance. One word, gratitude, can greatly improve our attitude! The wonderful author Sarah Breathnack wrote, "When we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that's present...we experience heaven on earth."
Renewal Day is also a perfect day to take time to reflect about our own well-being. While we are not in control of all that happens around us, by taking the time to know ourselves, we take control of our life. One lesson I learned while writing Lessons from the Porch: A Gathering Place for Telling Our Stories (STEC Publishing, 2003), is that I am my own White Knight. I am capable of being the best guide on my journey through life. By accepting the responsibility of being my own White Knight, my awareness of my personal power increased. I learned I am in control of my outlook and my outlook decides my future.
A few years ago, I read an article about a ninety-five year old who understood the meaning of being his own White Knight. Clair Duckham was preparing to ride his bike in the two-day "Hilly Hundred", a 100-mile bike ride up and down some very grueling hills in southern Indiana. In the article, the owner of a bike shop in Clair's hometown commented about one of his favorite customers: "Here he is in what would be considered the winter of his life, but he acts and thinks like it's the spring of his life." Clair shared these thoughts, "Find things you love to do and make sure you do them - don't just think about it...And never hold anyone else responsible for your happiness. Your happiness can be enriched by the people and things around you, but it has to come from inside yourself to start with."
On May 4th, make time to reflect about "you." Recognize you are your own White Knight, responsible for your outlook and your future.
"The porch helps me to see I'm my own White Knight."
Renewal Day, not a widely known holiday, is celebrated on May 4th. In addition to renewing friendships with old friends and reconnecting with family members, this is also a day to begin self-renewal. The demands of life often get in the way of our taking care of ourselves. May is also designated as Mental Health Month. The theme this year is Live Your Life Well, with a focus on helping people to manage stress and major life change better. What a great connection to Renewal Day.
According to Mental Health America, "with increasing economic troubles piling on to the stress of work and family demands, more and more Americans are suffering." The Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index, Life Evaluation sub-section, reports on an individual's perception of their life to-date and belief in the future. The report labels individuals as Thriving, Struggling, or Suffering. The report for March 2009 indicates 52.2% of the nation is Struggling. In March of 2008, the majority of Americans were identified as Thriving. These data suggest the importance and value of self-renewal.
These numbers, while alarming, are not surprising given all the outside factors that impact our lives. It may be, you're doing just fine. What about that old friend or family member you haven't talked to in a while? Renewal Day provides us a great opportunity to call or email just one of those people. It might be the ray of sunshine they are looking for right now. Someone said, "Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...it's about learning to dance in the rain!" No one escapes adversity in their life. How we react to our adversities helps determine whether we're thriving, struggling, or suffering. Will we take the time to learn how to "dance in the rain?" Being grateful for who we are, where we are, and what we have helps find that ray of sunshine we may have been pursuing for a long time and enables us to begin the dance. One word, gratitude, can greatly improve our attitude! The wonderful author Sarah Breathnack wrote, "When we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that's present...we experience heaven on earth."
Renewal Day is also a perfect day to take time to reflect about our own well-being. While we are not in control of all that happens around us, by taking the time to know ourselves, we take control of our life. One lesson I learned while writing Lessons from the Porch: A Gathering Place for Telling Our Stories (STEC Publishing, 2003), is that I am my own White Knight. I am capable of being the best guide on my journey through life. By accepting the responsibility of being my own White Knight, my awareness of my personal power increased. I learned I am in control of my outlook and my outlook decides my future.
A few years ago, I read an article about a ninety-five year old who understood the meaning of being his own White Knight. Clair Duckham was preparing to ride his bike in the two-day "Hilly Hundred", a 100-mile bike ride up and down some very grueling hills in southern Indiana. In the article, the owner of a bike shop in Clair's hometown commented about one of his favorite customers: "Here he is in what would be considered the winter of his life, but he acts and thinks like it's the spring of his life." Clair shared these thoughts, "Find things you love to do and make sure you do them - don't just think about it...And never hold anyone else responsible for your happiness. Your happiness can be enriched by the people and things around you, but it has to come from inside yourself to start with."
On May 4th, make time to reflect about "you." Recognize you are your own White Knight, responsible for your outlook and your future.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Effective Leaders
Organizations are measured by their success. When an organization struggles to meet its goals or attain the desired level of success, very often we see a change in leadership. Depending upon the size of the organization, that change might involve one individual or a group of individuals. Leadership, however, is broadly defined as existing at every level of the organization.
Consider the following quote by Admiral Arleigh A. Burke. "Leadership is understanding people and involving them to help you do a job. That takes all of the good characteristics, like integrity, dedication of purpose, selflessness, knowledge, skill, implacability, as well as determination not to accept failure."
So, what skills or qualities do you believe an effective leader has and what is it that he or she does to support success in an organization? How does an effective leader lead? Can you provide an example from your own experience?
Consider the following quote by Admiral Arleigh A. Burke. "Leadership is understanding people and involving them to help you do a job. That takes all of the good characteristics, like integrity, dedication of purpose, selflessness, knowledge, skill, implacability, as well as determination not to accept failure."
So, what skills or qualities do you believe an effective leader has and what is it that he or she does to support success in an organization? How does an effective leader lead? Can you provide an example from your own experience?
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